please don't stop preparing now like you do

[phosphor]

Somehow, it's the worst thing that could possibly happen.

If he'd thought differently a few hours ago, Rin doesn't anymore. The fantasy of normalcy had been more appealing than the hard truth of it, and the panic of not knowing.

His feet take him across town to Yukio's apartment, churning the ground beneath them with quick strides. No longer effortless, by the time he gets to the building, he can't even think to take the elevator. His knees feel like jelly. It scares the shit out of him.

He slams himself against the door to Yukio's apartment when he gets there, sliding the key into the hole with desperate hands and clawing at the knob until he can get it open and flood inside.

"Yukio!" He searches the apartment, tearing into it with Kurikara's warm weight a fleeting comfort against his shoulder. Wherever his power's gone, that heart's still in there, beating away. Beating for someone. He knows that his voice is shaky, almost tearful. He hates himself for it, but he cries for his brother again.

"Yukio!"

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[phosphor]

Rin only sees what he needs to see because he's looking for it, knows he needs to and knows exactly where to look. Although Yukio has the rest of himself tucked neatly away, hiding behind a disguise, the teeth can't be tucked away beneath a hat. He doesn't know what to think and hasn't gotten further past the initial concern, the need that he still feels deeply to keep Kurikara where it belongs.

If not at his side, then Yukio's. If that's what the fuck is happening, he'll deal with the why and how and the implications later.

He crosses the room in his pajamas and shoves the sword roughly into his brother's hands, fingers stilllingering on the gentle, constant heat of the slick wooden sheathe.

"Take it," he says, pulling away almost as if burned, because he worries otherwise he won't be able to let go. There was something Rin had never done since his powers had been unsealed, and that's wish he didn't have them anymore.

He'd wanted to be dead, but he hadn't wanted to be normal again. He never had been normal.

"Do you know what this is about? This is some bullshit, Yukio. Are you okay?"

[contrition]

Yukio jolts to attention when Kurikara is roughly shoved into his hands, glancing up with wide eyes before he instinctively pushes it back. "No," he says, swallowing roughly and shaking his head. "Kurikara's still yours. Until we figure out what's going on here, there's no reason why I should hold Kurikara. I'm not the one who's been training with a blade."

It's a thin excuse, far from the real reason why his stomach is doing twists and loops, but judging by the look on Rin's face, he's none too happy with the change of events.

Is this some type of trick?

"I'm fine," he says, jaw tensing. "I woke up like this in the middle of the night, but thanks to aniki, I knew what to expect. Mostly." His gaze lowers, tail completely still where it's wrapped around his torso.

"When did you change?"